I have always been pretty high strung, as a product of my mom who dealt with a lot in her short life as a single parent, I believe I learned some of my anxious habits from her. I also believe I picked up some of her less attractive personality traits. She was an incredible woman, but she had insecurities like we all do. I learned to worry about money from her. I learned how to worry about bills, and debt collectors too. I also learned how to love someone unconditionally, no matter how they break your heart. I learned how to make the best comfort foods, and little tips and tricks about making people laugh, and tweaking your personality. I blame her for my insufferable sense of humor. So where does the vicious cycle of traits end? I have seen it before, my cousin is critical of herself because her mom is critical of herself. I am emotionally almost codependent on people whose opinions I value. I shouldn't need permission to live my own life or make my own choices.
It's a harsh world when you really think about it, and because I lost my mom so early in the stage where you need to learn coping the most, I'm not sure I ever really learned how to properly. It's a work I progress, and a change that cannot happen overnight, but I am hopeful for a bright future for myself. I bring a lot to the table and I will no longer allow myself to sit on the edge of the room when there is a meeting at the table. Being present is everything. Being a gift is something different.
